Hanukkah Songs

One of the things I dislike about Hanukkah is the songs. The tunes are nice, but the words... spare me:

  Hanukkah O Hanukkah
  Come light the menorah
  Let's have a party
  We'll all dance the Hora.

Hanukkah was about an all out war against Hellenists and Hellenism. And not a metaphorical war, either, but a serious bloodbath.

  One for each night
  They shed a sweet light
  To remind us of days long ago...

The saccharine is bad enough, but it's just such a misrepresentation. So I've prepared a modest example of the kind of Hanukkah songs that would be more appropriate to the occasion. Feel free to share these with your friends. Comments may be directed to lisa@starways.net, though I reserve the right to post any criticism I find offensive on this site, e-mail address and all.

(As a minor note, you need to pronounce Antiochus as an-ti-OH-chus, rather than an-TYE-a-kiss)

Hanukkah O Hanukkah

(to the tune of "Hanukkah O Hanukkah")

Hanukkah O Hanukkah
A holiday of war
First we kill a couple Greeks
And then we kill some more

Invited in by Hellenists
Who hated being Jews
They brought their filthy idols
And tightened the screws

chorus:
  They call us
  Fanatics
  For we fight for truth and the Lord

  Stupid Antiochus
  Sent soldiers here to choke us
  Because he didn't think we'd raise a sword

  Stupid Antiochus
  Sent soldiers here to choke us
  And now they've all been killed by the sword.

Hanukkah O Hanukka
The festival of light
The flames of our fanaticism
Still are burning bright

'Cause Judaism's never been
Some airy fairy thing
Made up of nothing more than
The songs that we sing

chorus:
  It's truth and
  It's wisdom
  It's following God's holy plan

  To sanctify the world
  Man and woman, boy and girl
  And to do just the best that we can

  To sanctify the world
  Man and woman, boy and girl
  By obeying the laws He commands

Hanukkah O Hanukkah
A savage celebration
Of blood and death and war
That saved the soul of our nation

The Maccabees knew compromise
With Hellenism's dreck
Would kill us just as surely
As a sword through the neck

chorus:
  Although they
  Were farmers
  They learned to be soldiers mighty fast

  Despite what they became
  We still venerate their name
  'Mongst the heros of Israel's past

  Despite what they became
  We still venerate their name
  For their valor was never surpassed

Send Your Troops

(a Hanukkah song, sung to the tune of "Yellow Submarine")

In the town of Modiin
Lived a family named Maccabee
And they taught the Greeks to fear
From the Negev to Galilee

chorus:
   Send your troops and they'll fertilize our land
   They'll fertilize our land
   They'll fertilize our land
   You may think that the Jews won't take a stand
   So send in all your troops
   We'll kill them to a man

Antiochus was the man
Who came up with the awful plan
Thought the world should be one way
But the Jews, they wouldn't play

They thought Jews should act like Jews
But the Greeks, they didn't choose
To let Jews get in the way
Their "new world order" would have its day

They said "Hey! Don't make a fuss
Why can't you be more like us
Eating pigs and playing nude
Circumcision seems pretty crude

And your Temple really bores
So we'll bring in a bunch of whores
We'd prefer not to get tough
But one God is not enough"

When the word reached Modiin
Judah Maccabee was mighty steamed
So he gathered all the town
And he told them what had gone down

He said "Brothers, this means war
'Cause the Greeks have gone too far
If as guests they won't behave
Then we'll host them in the grave"

Antiochus sent his best
But the Maccabees put them to rest
He sent mercenaries in
They were never seen again

When the Greeks ran out of mercs
Judah told them "You guys are jerks
It's too bad you even tried
Because God is on our side"

So the lesson has been learned
If you invade us, you'll get burned
But there's noise from the UN
That suggests they'll try again

They think we're a little land
And that Jews won't take a stand
So they'll send in all their troops
And we'll have us a fertile land